Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Enigmatic Feelings

There are so many feelings that I can't figure out what they actually mean.  Just like having different feelings for the same moment at different times. You may be the happiest person when something really special happens but later isn't as happy as it is supposed to be. No exact idea why am I writing this up, but this is gonna be quick.
My enigmatic feelings.
Feeling low when you are supposed to be extremely happy or feeling extremely happy when supposed to be low. Having sympathy for someone you don't like. Acting sad to grab someone's attention. Enjoying it when someone is trying to embarrass you. Smiling and acting like everything is okay even when alone. Having hope even after the darkest time has passed. Wanting to take care of someone random. Not believing your own efforts. Acting like not interested in gadgets or smart phones. Acting not convinced even after being convinced. Faking anger. Faking the smile.

Maybe my mind is in a mess right now.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Being Eighteen and The Future

School's over. My Board results are out and I have achieved a good percentage. Masha Allah. I will be leaving for my College studies soon.

The best is yet to come.

I have changed, from being a shy girl to a confident leader.Yet, I am scared of the Future. There is not a single day I haven't come across with questions about my future. 'I wonder what's next?' 'Will I complete my dreams?' 'I wonder if I can...'
Trust me, it ain't easy. Before turning eighteen, I badly wanted to turn eighteen. Thinking about being responsible, independent and an end to adolescent mood swings sounded perfect. All that never meant on your eighteenth birthday  you would meet a fairy like Cinderella met and boom, wow, a responsible and independent girl.
I want to overcome my fears. I want to learn a lot from my life and experiences. I wanna do new things, be it anywhere. I want to bring goodness and positive changes in me. So many.

I am planning to go to India only because I want education, just for three years and for it I think I will deal with the problems. There are so many things I would love to have in my life during these three years.
# I need not mention my parents, their support and love will always be there and since I will be talking to them almost everyday, I will definitely be in contact with them. Oh wait, I will miss the Pepsi, Chocolates, Shawarma, Al-Baik dad buys and Mom's scoldings and unexpected support.
# Sarah and Raniya comes first in the list. I know I will make new friends, but friends like them are a must everywhere. Who will solve my everyday problems like Sarah does each time I tell her?
# My sisters, specially the elder three. I share a unique relationship with each one of them.
Shahmida, who actually is a major problem solver. Most of the time when I am confused I call her up and she solves it. During most of the bad times, her support has always brought me out of the depression zone.
Shamsheeda, even though we rarely talk, its nice to be around her and talk to her. She talks logic and sense. We share certain things in common like our handwriting is the same.  She has knowledge of a lot of stuffs.
Shaimah, she sounds stupid most of the time, but there's a smarty engineer in her. She keeps annoying me asking me to get married as if she already has a guy in mind.
Oh, who will ask me to 'get married' everyday?
# My Room. How can I not add it into the list? I will miss every single piece in my room, after all I spend most of my day with them.
# Cluster Meet. I wanna stay an Athlete forever.
# This Blog. Each time I come back, I will surely write a post.
# My Virtual Family. As in my school mates.

So many memories. Hope I can make more better ones in future.